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New Santa Rosa Drug Creates Another Reason for Concern

Recently, the Santa Rosa Institute has been pushing Envigor, a drug designed to help people stay alert when working overnight shifts. Study results trumpeted in an Institute press release suggest that Envigor helps people stay awake and alert all night, with no apparent side effects.

Of course, the Institute left out one minor detail: ENVIGOR IS MADE FROM VAMPIRE BLOOD. As you know, a vampire's circadian rhythm is the polar opposite of that of a normal human being. As night falls, levels of certain enzymes known as monoamine oxidase inhibitors increase in a vampire's blood. These enzymes suppress the activity of serotonin in the brain. While these enzymes in and of themselves are not harmful, there are other mechanisms involved in vampire circadian rhythms that we do not yet understand. So if you see a bottle of Envigor at your local pharmacy anytime soon, think twice before purchasing it.

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