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The inclusion of vampire and zombie-related (or to use the preferred term, "militarized undead," or "M.U.") matters into the arms control community has been gradual and uneven. I believe that much of this has had to do with resistance from behind the former Iron Curtain. This may reflect the efforts of former Nazi scientists who were captured by the forces of the Soviet Union after the Second World War, or it may simply be a reflection of the historical circumstances of the Russian people, and of their long and dark history of dealings with the undead.

In any event, when the time came to assign responsibility for M.U. matters, the most logical organization, the Australia Group (which as you know handles chemical and biological warfare-related issues) proved unwilling to take on such an emotionally-charged ambit. This despite the fact that the deliberate infection of American POW's during World War II was classic biological warfare.

After much back-channel discussion among Security Council members, the decision was finally reached in late 1999 to assign M.U. affairs to the fledgling Watermael Arrangement. The WA (named after the suburb of Brussels where initial meetings were held) is the successor organization to COCOM, the Cold War-era organization which tried to prevent the transfer of sensitive technologies behind the Iron Curtain. While most of the Arrangement's work is fairly straightforward (machine guns, tanks, and the like), the M.U. portfolio has caused a significant number of disagreements in a relatively short time over the proper means to ensure that the horrors of Lazo are never repeated. The decision to hand M.U. affairs to the WA also means that my organization is charged with trying to control the spread of vampires, zombies and the most effective means of their destruction.

Nor are such disputes entirely the fault of former Soviet Bloc countries -- at a recent industry outreach seminar sponsored by the WA, I was surprised to find that the most intransigent opposition to calls to limit or end genetic research into the vampire and zombie viruses came from representatives of the Santa Rosa Institute.

Best regards, Ted Seay
Senior Assistant
Watermael Arrangement on Export Controls for Conventional Arms, the Militarized Undead, and Dual Use Goods and Technologies

Comments from Dr. Pecos: I'm not surprised. The Institute is on a thin tether as it is, and any additional burdens could bring about its demise. My remaining contacts inside SRI tell me that morale is low and that recent facility inspections revealed some shockingly sloppy waste disposal and inventory control, including the loss of over 75 zombie tissue samples. As we speak, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is considering taking over the entire operation.